It's true. True Blood wins. Easily. On almost every single conceivable level. It's hardly even a fair fight. It's like watching a bed-ridden asthmatic try to knock down a sequoia. By huffing and puffing. True Blood is a salaciously sinister and fiendishly fun series featuring insane characters filled with life and color. Twilight is a sniffly-nosed, dew-covered mope-fest filled with silence and shame. Yes, because of the "vampire factor", these two creative products share fans as there will always be fans of vampires no matter what movie they're in or what show they're on. Like everything else that exists in pop-culture there are apologists. But Twilight is listless and dreary. And it's not that we don't fully appreciate the forests and gravel roads of the Pacific Northwest as a backdrop, but Twilight wallows too much in the picturesque serenity of its locale and loses all sense of danger. It never effectively conveys the "horror" that lies behind the small town facade. It essentially targets eight year-olds (under the guise of a teen romance) by effectively de-evolving the entire genre.
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| The cast of True Blood. In "bad things" mode. - HBO |
Vampires have always been the sexiest mythological creatures (sorry Flesh-Shredding Dryads!) so it makes sense that people might want to see these guys actually have sex with people. Who wants to sit around for two hours and watch people yearn? Who really wants to explore the depths of an ultimately unfulfilling relationship? Yes, there is merit to tackling the themes of lovelorn longing, but we'd rather leave that topic to more adept authors than Stephenie Meyer. In True Blood, everyone has sex! They bone 24/7! And they don't try to hide the fact that the thing that initially draws each of them to one another is raw sexual attraction. Sure, they grow to know each other later and, hell, they might even learn to tolerate each other's contrived southern eccentricities, but first things first! Sex. And lot's of it. Hell, Sookie and Bill spent almost an entire episode under the sheets. I think she had to get up at some point to go get some Gatorade or a turkey sandwich or something, but for the most part it was just them screwing in a Dallas Hotel room.
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| Seventh-inning stretch. - HBO |
In True Blood, vampires represent sex. And rightfully so. Sex with vamps is established as being exponentially better and their blood can be used as supernatural Viagra. The ritual draining of a sex partner's blood (not for killing) is depicted as an erotic act that heightens pleasure for both parties.
So then…point for True Blood. An erotic, insatiable sweltering point.
In Twilight, it's business as usual for vamps. Hiding out. Wracked by shame and guilt. Some like to wreak havoc and spill the blood of the innocent. Some like to soak up self-pity like a sponge and drink deer protein shakes. They're in hiding, and the unfortunate victims of the bad vampires usually get written off by the police as being mauled by some sort of wild animal. The underworld vampire hierarchy decrees that vampires must remain hidden. And sparkly. Booooring.
True Blood's world is vibrant and fresh. Vampires live among humans. They've come "out of the coffin." They have jobs. They have magazines. Talk shows. Bars. Townships. But it's still a fairly new scenario so there still are rampant prejudices on both sides of the vampire/human relations. Whereas Twilight is an allegory for not giving in to your "dirty, filthy urges," True Blood tackles racism, segregation, religion and a flurry of other socially relevant topics that helps the series stand out as a true game-changer in the vampire genre.
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| Man, nothing gets pancreas out. - HBO |
Morally relevant subtext prevails! Point for True Blood.
The vampires of Twilight sparkle and shimmer in the sun, turning them into beautiful pieces of unthreatening art. Yes, this is something that's easy to take a pot-shot at and it's been sort of the "go-to" fanboy tirade circling the Twi-series for the past few years. But despite the fact that this element of the Meyer stories has been mocked ad nauseam, it never ceases to be utterly ridiculous and facepalm-worthy. Never. Twilight fans, your argument has never been more invalid.
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| If you insist on NOT exploding in the sun then you have to go to school, mister! |
It's eventually explained in the books True Blood is based on (and will be covered in Season 3 of the series) why vampires go "ga-ga" for Sookie. And yes, they also eventually explain why Bella is conveniently Edward's "plain Jane" heroin fix. But True Blood's explanation helps create more of a dynamic mythological landscape while Twilight just gives us more of that "you're special just by being introspective and boring" mulecrap.
Vampires are vampires are vampires. Point for True Blood.
First off, we're not ones to assume, or demand, that fans of the Twilight movies or the True Blood TV show have or should read the books that they're based on. But for all you Twilight fans who think that Jacob and his pack of mystical dogs are werewolves? Shame on y'all! They're a clan of shapeshifters that take the form of wolves. Hence the reason they can turn into wolves without the icky, painful "growing hair and breaking bones" parts. They're basically like True Blood's Sam Merlotte, except they can only turn into one thing. Like that one Wonder Twin who could only turn into a bucket of water.
WTF is that?!!
"This movie was a complete waste and I feel that it offends ALL Twilight
Fans around the world, that including myself. For one, it was a
COMPLETE remaking of the Wolf Pack from The Twilight Saga: New Moon.
It gives the werewolves a bad name and makes them look like some
deformed mutation of a rabid dog. I actually started to like werewolves
after seeing Jacob Black
and all his awesomeness on the big screen at the movies. That was until
I saw your crappy remake of what you call to be a "were wolf". I don't
see how you live with yourself for making it the way you did. If I made
this movie, I would be ashamed to even admit that I owned it. How can a
werewolf be killed with a silver bullet*? Better yet, have you saw the
transformation of the man that is "supposed" to be the wolf? He sits in
some chair and his entire body turns in to some mutated freak. If you
would watch the transformation of Jacob Black, (Taylor Lautner)
he doesn't come close to looking as fake, cheap and or mutated as the
wolf man. You tell me, who looks to be the better werewolf. Your stupid
Wolf Movie didn't even make the top Movie for the charts; Valentines Day
WITH TAYLOR Lautner! Get that this is MY oppinion and I felt I wanted
to express it because I saw that your email was on your site. I wanted
to let you know this is what i thought of the wolf man that sucks.
FREAKIN LAUTNER DID!
TEAM JACOB- cuz hes a REAL WEREWOLVE!"
We heart you, Kayla.
So good. So good. Fifty points for True Blood.
Sookie is a beautiful strong-willed, impulsive telepath whose parents were killed when she was young. Bella is a dour, dreary blank-slate who can't get over the fact that her life is fine and dandy. Bella is rescued from her more-than-adequate existence after randomly finding the one boy in the world who she drives into an inexplicable sexual frenzy and is willing to pledge himself to her eternally.
Sookie's life becomes a swirling torrent of chaos and adventure after she starts shacking up with Gentleman Bill and draws the ire of a local serial killer who likes to brutally dispatch 'fang-bangers."
Plus, Sookie's got an Oscar.
Plus plus…Sookie shows her t**s and Bella looks like the kid from Frailty.
Comparing Edward and Jacob to Bill and Eric is kind of like comparing an ice sculpture of a malnourished swan and a broken piece of treated back porch flooring to ferocious hell-demons with flaming d***s.
Infinity points for True Blood
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